Mental wellness

 Me: takes 1 leave for my mental wellness 

My mom: what will you do when you need haves?

Like I used 30 leaves every year since I started going to school

Like I wasted so much of money to be questioned for taking my own Earned leaves.

100% attendance most of my school years.. never left any work pending. Everything done in-time

Now: Lot of pending works. Not sure how to complete them managing today's work. Cause I never learnt that part... Managing

If I would have ever bunked school or went on vacation by taking leaves.. atleast ever got sick eating junk food... leaving lots of pending works at school.. may be I would have learnt managing things in life back then.. learnt how to live an imperfect life. May be today would have been easier... May be I would be doing better today...

Even little things in life make so much difference growing up..

In the end, I should take my mom's opinion even to use my own leaves... Lucky my manager..

I wish my mom said take one more if you need... I'm not a robot.. atleast not in the better version of myself &

haha not 70's kid to whom understanding mental wellness is like seeing 4th dimension...

to whom there's nothing like depression or anxiety 'cause they grew up with a whole big family & always playing out of their home.. speaking to all neighbours..

while I grew up in a cage with fear to even smile in a wrong way.. developing social anxiety.. growing into an introvert.. isolating myself in every team activity..

Until I got friends who made my world better... helped me open up... See the beauty in interacting even with strangers.. how one no sense smile becomes so senseful when smiled at someone..... All of this..

Just to come back & end up in the same cage but this time locking myself in & holding the key myself still not able to figure out how to get out... 

Will I ever?